ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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