I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
my liver is dry heaving
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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