well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
