Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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