God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
