He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
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