Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
