I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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