A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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