You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
