Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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