I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
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