He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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