why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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