Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
