Please, let me fuck your mom
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
My vagina just clenched in fear
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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