Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
