i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
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