Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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