I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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