You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
