he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
