Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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