It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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