guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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