I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
