Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
