so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
