Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
