Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
