It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
