A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize