I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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