Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
