you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
