I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Text me some of your sweat
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
