mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
