please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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