do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
