How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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