she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
