My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
operation have a gay friend backfired
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
