break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
