Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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