There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Randomize
