He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
