butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
