I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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