Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
