I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
