making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
