we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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