You made me cry and you don't even care
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
