These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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