it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
