we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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