Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize