i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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