When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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