I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
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