So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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