Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
