I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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