I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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