just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
