What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
