I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
