If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
