there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
We got so high we made milksteak
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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