I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize