I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
